Mood:Happy
Topic:Weird stuff Jonnell e-mailed me

First the edited version of what Jonnell sent me :

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

You may be only one person in the world,but you may also be the world to one person.

Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.

We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors but they all have to learn to live in the same box.

All good words all good words...man I had something important to say...let me go find it okay :)

Mood:Hungry
Topic:To make Peter happy

To make Peter happy I'm posting the sole picture I have of my good friend Dan..no wait I have one more but that's not going up. So yes here it is Dan slamed against a wall and tickled because he hates pictures ----curtesy of Jonnell!



So this is Daniel...there you go Peter. Now you can stop hissing when I mention his name.

Mood:Hungry
Topic:Pictures Jonnell Took and I'm posting(via my own server)

::Eats Noodles:: View my beauty!!!::whipes sauce off of face::



This is a super old pic of me...lol...but I believe this photo and one with me in a button up shirt hold a place of honor in Jonnell's room..near her Korn poster :) boy I look kinda messed up in this picture anyway in all these pictures my hair is kinda skeeeeery because they're from the 3 weeks of rain we got so my hair would get rained on washed rained on washed so I stopped blow drying I just let it be curly and frizzy




Aww I like this picture of me...yeah you see that pouch on me that's what I carry to school and then the Chemistry book I'm sitting on. Yupe light load. It's cool anyway. Ph34r my boots hehe.


This pic was from the last weak of school this is one of those...Kim didn't know this one was comming, but don't i look just radiant lol



Lisette and I were wrestleing in Jonnell room that day we were cheering her up and well...sadly but surely she tried to tack my leash and well then it was a tug-o-war over my leash.


Me and Lisette on Jonnell's stairs...i'm not tired I'm just blinking

Mood: Sleepy
Topic:Wisdom of the Games

Geimer has always been that person I can talk to no matter what about anything and not have to worry about his reaction. The following is about Marriage(something I have come to the conclusion I will only do under certain circumstances that my mother doesn't really like) it's interesting please give it a read.

Games Wisdom Corner

Hello Kim its me again by now you've gotten the inconsequential e-mails that i've bombarded you with for the entireity of today but i must speak of something that has really been bothering me.Okay here it is recently something i guess you could say relatively good has happened and thats the high stricking down the anti-sodomy law in texas, if you don't know what that is then i shall explain its basically a law that prohibits sexual interactions between homosexual couples in their own homes even they can be fined arrested and put in jail for this. Now you can see why it being struck down as a good thing as it well most likely invalidate similiar laws in other states such as alabama. But there are things that still rub me quite the wrong way. That being how the defensive of such laws are conducted, basically the defense was that same marriages cannot produce children. They feared what would happen to our daily concept of child-rearing. It makes me wonder if Niezthcea was right in saying love is nothing then genes telling us to produce more of ourselves for nothing more then for the sake of continuing our race.
It things like this that lead me to conclude that very few or us are actually human at least in the context of the human race what we seem to have are human beasts who seem to love for one reason and that is produce more members of soceity and more followers of their own faith. I think i liked it better what one columist that our definition of marriage is constantly evolving instiution but i don't think thats entirely true thousands of years ago and up until a hundred or so years ago when a man married a woman he owned her, her property, and what ever possesions she had(unless she was hispanic lol then there might be some problems) but that changed. Up until a few decades ago interracial couples were not allowed but that changed eventually . Its not really marriage that evovled but our understanding of what that entailed the opponents of allowing homosexuals to marry say it would threaten our definition of marriage, the definition and nature of marriage never changed they simply have a perversly skewed and mutated image of it. The nature of marriage is to be with the person you love for as long as live will allow and to enjoy what you have in them while it is still there to be cherished not some insanely obtrusively moralistic nonsense of one man one woman.


Hmm I think that marriage is like happiness...it's an idea that changes...like when you were 5 happiness was Ice Cream..now it's a little more complicated via only your perception. well I'm sure everyone is up to hear my conditions of getting married.

I don't ever really plan to get married anymore too many complications involved. But I do plan to have a male around(the fact that I think most women are weak and annoying doesn't help) actually live with a man for a while like I mean someone I love let me clear that up. Hmm okay like the guy I should marry is who I'll be living with. And I will not get married oh no! Circumstances for marriage are this. Number one I don't plan on having sex until I'm married so the idea of accidentally spawning a child is unlikely but where it to happen I am not raising this child alone oh hell no you are screwed now we're getting married. The other condition is a little more romantic and unlikely. Someone fixes all this short circuited hardware! I mean if you can get me to stop thinking everyone is out to get me,that I don't need anyone, and the number of other things that are wrong with me then hell you've been here a while and actually care about me. LoL now for the list of people who are trying to fix the hardware! Peter(who has done a bang up job), Geimer (um...he can't fix anything really he just...knows everything that's wrong and kinda just makes me feel better about it heheh), Dan(again...can't really fix anything but understands the broken gears and serves as like fellow broken machinary).

Now What of Jun because I know he's reading this and going what about me? Um...your still new seemingly...and I have yet to get the lecture of this is wrong with you but that's okay because ::insert great idea here:: like the rest of these jokers. So when you do we'll see where you stand on the board.

About the last Entry. Some people knew just how to handle my anger because when I'm sad I'm angry too.Jun being one of them he backed off and then let me come to him when I was ready. Much like Peter whom I love and adore. Eventually Geimer Poped up and we talked and it was funny because that boy watches more WE adn Lifetime then my mom. (love ya Games)

OTHER PEOPLE(j/k) (ie Lisette and Jonnell) Came on a little too strongly...maybe it's a girl thing. I don't divy well with females when it comes to my problems. You see mine are constant usually because they are internal I don't really get to upset with many outside forces. Jonnell made a request that I let her help me. lol somewhat in an analgoy of her significant other...he and I are a lot alike..we can sit in each other's company for hours and be fine...simple hand gestures and facial expressions is all that is needed. But in anycase Jonnell I'va said time and again the reason I understand him is because I'm wired wrong like him so it's not that you don't trust you in particular or don't want you around it's just that....I don't trust anyone really...(well except Peter...but I'm not sure why I trust him blindly...that's weird I'm gonna have to fix that... ) and Lisette...I hung up on that poor girl..she got lucky the 2nd time she called my mom was on the phone Long Distance...or I would have been not nice. Then she showed up at my house...which was amusing but not exactly what I wanted. she tries so hard...which makes me laugh its like when a little kid tries to help in the kitchen it's aww okay honey now shoo before you spill something. She wanted me to come to her house but it was later than my mother would have liked. I have to learn to interact with girls...one of these days. Maybe I'm too rough around the edges to do that...maybe I'm just Sandra Bullock from Miss Congeniality.

More than likely it's just that my negative emotions are like Squalls...strong but short lived due to my mothers traing(one thing my mom taught me was to just suck it up and move on which is where my definiton of okay came from....)

Anyway I'm going to read a book now so I will talk to you all later.
Well

Mood: Sad
Tone: Serious
Topic: Decent into Despair

Someone once told me I had a good life because I don’t have a lot of problems…I guess that’s true enough…I myself don’t have any problems not really I have discomforts but not problems…but I kinda disagree with that person.

You see…for some God unknown reason I’m a source of strength and a form of ::Chuckle:: Sanctuary to a lot of people…and their problems become my problems…so…parents fighting…cheating on one another…getting a divorece…domestic violence…surcidal urges…surcide attempts and…varying forms and displays of depression…I got a lot of problems…::smiles:: but that’s okay…they wouldn’t come to me if I wasn’t strong…if I couldn’t handle it…

But I kinda wish I had a place to go to and kinda just cry…I really don’t…I know that must sound selfish…but I still wish…it’s kinda odd to have so many friends but still not feel comfortable with any of them to ask for help once in a while. I think I asked Lisette once..she helped for a little bit but later on things kinda changed and it went back to business as usual and me helping others. Junior helped me once…when my mom was at the hospital…I don’t like being home alone at night. I never really got over that fear of the dark. So he stayed on the phone with me until she got back. But he’s got his own set of problems lately…

Hmm…I wish I was a little more on the mark today…I don’t feel 100% Bad New on to of Bad news will do that to you really fast. One of the people I know tried to kill themselves, My dad is being a bit antagonistic, I think my mom is more depressed then most of my friends…it’s kinda weird. Her being like that.

It reminds me of when I was younger and my brother was first born. My mom kinda stopped caring about everything…and my dad was never around. He could have been but he wasn’t. he wasn’t at work or anything he was just never at home. He was off being a volunteer police officer. So I would ask my mom for breakfast in the mornings and she wouldn’t want to make it. I’d ask her to play with me and she wouldn’t. Sometimes I’d just sit on the floor and wait…and wait but she’d never move. My grandma came eventually and took care of me and my brother. I don’t know what the fuck fixed my mom but eventually she got herself back in working order. Hearing her cry today was reliveing that entire section of my life…all the times she ignored me, all the times I wanted a hug or a kiss and she would turn away…then when my dad was around and my brother would cry I would get in trouble for it I’m the one that got yelled at r hit on…my brother brought me a lot of trouble when he was born…and true enough I’ve had my moments of utter hatred toward him but I think I’m still pretty good to him.

I’m not too happy about a lot of things that have happened in my life…and I really don’t talk to much about my past to anyone…and the only reason I basically have a blog is because all my damn entries are written in word and basically addressed to myself and then I kinda just put them out there for a cheap laugh and perhaps to actually remember something later I don’t know some milestone in my life where I grew up…I really don’t think anything I write was meant for anyone else to read but sometimes it’s good for other people to see inside your head

Mood:Sarcastic
SoC:"Take it all" by Trust Company
Topic: Difficulties

Man...have you ever had that feeling that there is some grand high conspiracy against you? I know I have(and so has Geimer because I do believe he encouraged all my paranoid thoughts I thank him) where does this come from? Whence has these melodramatic teen angst ridden prose taken residence and refuse to pay rent!? I will tell you!

You know...I don't mind working...no..no...I say this springing from the Volunteer work that Columbus High forced on us...I'm thankful for it now as cliche as that may seem. It's just...there are some people in the world (ie Hinnesville) who don't want to work( you know who you are I won't bother pointing you out :twitch::) but still have jobs...blast you with my deepest and sincerest affections attached to that. Me on the other hand...wouldn't mind working(because people I don't know about you but when I started reading Harry Potter...it reminded me of here...in the most intense way..like the rest of my family can be in this house and it doesn't mean a thing to me...and I think the rest of you are in this boat...maybe it's a teen angst thing ) and I need something to focus my mind on. And also since I have no clubs or sports from school to have something for that college resume.Finding Work...That is a Difficulty.

So okay the reason I am stuck in this small box of untold boredom and silence(because no one really talks to one another) is because my mother is trying to deal with the stupidity that is my father's side of the family...which consists of the fact that my father's grandmother is ill and my father's family is insulting us (the whole of us even the man at war )because we're not there at her bed side...does the word...military income...spouse at war...have any meaning for you people? Yes I thought it would her(my father's mother Hilda) on the other had is oblivious to the simple rules and regulations of common sense and rational thinking. So basically my mother is confrencing with the Council of Women(my 6 Aunts, her friend Mohica and my Grandmother Cei) to figure out what to do. Because proper edicate would dictate that we appear and represent my father's interests. But Common Sense would dictate that the last thing on my mother's mind (and mine also) would be to cater to the whims of fools. But...all to keep face...this is a Difficulty.

And I can not drive to work around it...that is a difficulty.

So in another direction in hopes of circumventing the Difficulty of Fools...I have taken to getting together my College Application things. To my grand horror and dismay...the only thing on the UGA website...is the Essays. Now I don't doubt my writing skills...though at times on AIM my structure maybe completely non existant(ask Young Peter) but when I put my mind to it I can some how pull of something. The thing I do doubt is whether I will say what they want to hear. I have never been one to cater to authority in my way of thinking, nor to take sides on any matter. I have always been the child in the grey, the area in between, the sliver of space that no one really wanted to glance at. My caution is firmly rooted in the idea that since all of these essay topics involve opinoins and ideas of oneself that I will say something in complete earnest and they will brand me a...nutcase...to say the least. One of these peoples fine topics is basically what you would fight/die for...now to say family, religion, God, country is all very very over done. I like my idea for this topic...but the thing is will these people recognize the voice of radical thinking and revolution or will they simply write it off as...surcidal. Another is basically talking about your integrity...my idea is that if you have it you needn't publisize it And Finally....talk about your iniative and leadership skills including your strengths and weaknesses........Good God...who comes up with these things? The categories are basically how rational are you in the throwing away of you life, tell me how dishonest you are, or tell me how much of a control freak you can be. This...was by far the most frusterating of Dfficulties.

The sole shread of comfort to be taken out of all of this is that You can't get the UGA Application forms until August...so I have a solid month to figure out the essay and short answer things....and that in my insane quest to find employment I have found a place that may take me. Catch? Oh yeah...This job has been open for a month now...God only knows if someone already has it...More catch? Oh yeah...there's no cut off date on the announcement....so this job appilcation deadline...may have passed...what comfort again?

And so another day dawns on this sad sad sad....little world and the struggle continues to somewhere find a way to advance...with almost groudn zero support from my family ("why are you getting a job?" ~Dad "Can't that wait until later?"~Mom) Yet....when Mom wants to go to Savannah and buy Candles to burn to Saint Michael I go....and when she's asking me for advice on the Family thing...I tell her as a finishing statement..."Well...the choice is up to you but no matter what decision you make I support you." Do you know my parents have never said that to me EVER. And also yesterday at about Midnight she asked me again and I started to laugh and I said something very bitter. ("Sure we can fly across the ocean to cater to people we don't like, but we can't get in the car and drive a few hours and go to Columbus." ) She to say the least did not find the humor.

Okay that's enough of that...I just need to let the Sarcasm out...sarcasm is a good thing...anyway...today I will turn in this application for a job and they will hopefully call me and employ me...before my mom makes the maniac decision to go to Puerto Rico....For no good reason.
Bye Guys
Kim

(SIDE NOTE: If I go I'm not staying in Hilda's house I kid you not I'm friends with the Nun's I will crash at the convent and make rosary beads for everyone:) That is unless Cei asks me to stay with her but her house is kinda full.)

Mood:Sleepy
Topic:New Layout

Yupe It's a New layout :) This is Miho from Megatokyo. She is um of the evil persuasion but I have my theories about her. This picture has some sentimental value for me so I decided to use it. If you have a hard time reading stuff or you think this part of the frame is too small let me know and I'll fix it. beucase I have a really small screen so everything looks really big...but I think everyone else has a huge screen anyway. I'm going to go to sleep I think bye Guys.

(about 3 hours later)

Mood Still tired…can’t fall asleep
Topic: Tragic Flaws, Byronic Heros
Trigger: Mary Reilly

I believe every person has certain fatal flaws it’s human nature I think. I don’t know it’s one of my things. I also think that most people are bad but perhaps that steams from paranoia and insomnia lol. I also think though…that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them….because flawed as they may be for some reason you never really think on it. It’s another human flaw. I don’t know. I watch Mary Reilly today for the third time in the last few months. I like this movie very much. In anycase, seeing the flaws in Mary…perhaps being to trusting or being submissive interpret it how you will maybe she just had bad taste in men…I came to wonder a little about myself. I think Mary and I had something small in common but that’s later.

What’s my fatal flaw? What will be the one string that causes my existence to come to an end. You have to keep in mind though I believe we are all (all the people that come here) Gothic romantics and thus are kinda cursed from the beginning.

In anycase here’s the proposal someone tell me what’s wrong with me in general people come on. You know those little things about my character that piss you off or you just can ‘t stand I know such things exist between all friends. I’m just wondering. Outside of the realm of my Masochism.

I know I don’t like a lot of things about myself but oh well you know but there is one thing I do like about myself. That’s my Empathy. Which…I really didn’t know what to call until recently. Beyond that the rest is a shames really. But I think this is the thing I hve in common with Mary. Hyde Jeckylle whatever he had some issues right…and for some reason Mary stayed. I think that’s one of my things too like Peter said, “My fetish” if you will it’s odd I think but so are a lot of things.

But yeah here’s what I want people in all your honesty tell me what’s wrong with me. Be honest come on. So yeah e-mail comment box or call. And I swear on my Setsuna Mudo wall that if any of you say I’m perfect that I will beat you!
Bye,
Kim

Mood:Weird
Song of choice: "the other side" by Smile Empty Soul
Topic:Picture Fun
Baby Kim picture time!!! HAhah I have so many of my other friends but I never let out any. I was going to just e-mail them to Jun because I have loads of him hehe but I didn't want to flood his box so I decided to show you how LITTLE I've hanged in the last 16 years. I've always looked the same! Well these are in no particular order. My mom is the one that knows exactly how they go. Oh well enjoy the cheap laugh.


This one I like a lot because it has two of my favorite things. The little pillow in my hand has been with me since I was born and I still sleep with it to this day it is one of my most prized possesions and my Bobo...passifier to the older people. I still have that cover too...haha right now it has a Bed Time Bear one...my mom made all if its clothes...yes it does have a name but I'll save that for Jun


Me at like one or so at the beach


Hahah...I'm drinking coffee in this picture in my tiny cup...SINCE I WAS A CHILD MAN!! lol aww I look so adorable in my little skirt


SEEEE!!! I had the move first!! Heero Yuy Just stole it!!! I was the original!!


Me very young in my high chair...look at my hair...it was soooo coool man!! I mean look that is so Yuna's hair in FFX-2 they stole that from me too ^-^


Awww look at me laugh!


This is from when my dad first went to the Middle East in 1991. This is when he was just getting off the plane and is seeing me for the first time in about a year.


LOL Check my Caribean Roots!! I'm a pirate...such a cute one too.


AWW Kim: Mini Diva lol I was ready to go!

Okay that's all the ones I scanned. I hope you like them! lol

Bye
Kim

June 19th 2003
Mood:Tired Myself
Song of choice: "Nowhere Kids" by Smile Empty Soul
Topic:New Music and Quizes

I didn't go job hunting today my mom was too tired but that's okay I guess I needed time to kinda plan what exactly I'm gonna do. Hmm Lisette came over and that was fun we beat each other up. She left me with a CD by a group called Smile Empty Soul. I think it would be something Lum may enjoy. The tracks are in this order if you're just going to download the CD

1. Bottom of a Bottle (this one was interesting)
2. Silhouettes (This one I liked a lot)
3.Nowhere Kids (this one I liked as well kinda like Juliana Theory's Children...message wise but the sound is rougher)
4.This is war (this one I wasn't too crazy about...I understand the message respect the artist's opinion...but don't agree with it)
5.Therapy(this one is okay)
6.for you( You know what this CD is not really for me so I'm just going to stop)
7.your way
8.the other side(i liked this one eheh..this is a heavy CD man...this is like the Staind "Break the Cycle" CD it's like a downer ahhh...but this one has got to be my favorite)
9.every sunday(oh God here's a point)
10.with this knief (liked this one)
11.radio in a hole(this is a one that I just wanted to take the lyrics out and just listen to the music...lol the lyrics were good but the guitar was my main focus)
12.all my problems(this is okay)
13.want my life(aww Mellow)
14.eraser

Quizes hehe


You are Gambit!

You are a fierce fighter and a good friend to have.
Your preference for solitude and your
attractiveness make you very intriguing to
those you meet. Unfortunately, close
relationships are few and far between for you
because you often have trouble opening up to
others.


Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla
Whoo I liked him a lot


You are Persephone, from "The Matrix."
Tough cookie, you are, yet there are strains of
sadness and desire that lie beneath you- of
course, you wouldn't want anyone to know.
You're too busy putting up a facade.


What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You know I'm bored if I'm taking Matrix Quizes

Man I finally got Jonnell's site up hehe!! I'm proud of it I think it turned out nice if you wanna go take alook it's at Faithful Follower.

Did Lisette's too...lost her um comment box haha...well she can get it back she just has to get the top yaccs code...I'm tired man I'm going to rest a little...Bye Guys!

Kim
PS Special shout out to Peter I Love You !!! ::meatball:: Oh here's the list with a totally nifty Piroko Background! P/-/34R 7/-/3 K/_/73 1s!!!

Mood:Angry
Song of choice: "Jude Law and a Semester Abroad" by Brand New
Topic:Unemployement Sucks

::sigh::
::Cries::

WHY WON'T ANYONE HIRE ME!?!!?!?!?!
Man...
Today was one of those days that I just know I'm gonna tell my kids about. I went to one of the Bowling Allies here on post and asked and turns out they had JUST finished hiring...then went to the General Dollar...they had JUST finished too...then went to the Hobby Shop and they just weren't hiring at all. Went to the DOLLAR TREE!!! and they said they weren't hiring either but I could fill out an application and when they needed someone they'd call...

::sigh::
Went to the Labor Department...trying to get a work permit (if by the GRACE of GOD I get a job) since I'm only a CHILD!!! They turned me to the Board of Education...and while I was at the LD I asked if they had any idea where I might find a job...they said oh I'm sure we do how old are you...once I said 16 they cringed and told me to look in the want ads. Went to the BoE...got my little Work Permit...asked the lady if she knew any place hiring...she said Wendy's.....

::shakes head find Jun plushie and hugs it::

Tomorrow...I plan to ask Mom to take me to like Kroger, Food Lion, Rite Aid, Payless, Baskin Robin's, Blockbuster,Goodies....she'll probably say no because she's tired....and you know what...if I get turned down by every grocer and pharmacy in this freakin town! Then...hell I'll just go to fucking Wendy's....::stands in Hammock:: because one way or a fucking nother I AM Getting a Job and I AM going to AWA God damn it! I have been denied too much in my life I will have this!!!

::realizes that she is about to make the eyes pop out of her Jun plushie and almost falls sits::

::sigh:: Man! I so want to get into a fight at a moment like this!!! I hate not being able to do something! The most annoying feeling is helplessness!!!

::tries to calm down::
Man...I've talked to almost everyone today that can possibly passify me...but only one verbally...I'm going to go see if I can find the Calm at home...I doubt it but maybe. So everyone have a good night...and yes...don't try and get a job in Hinesville...

Bye
Kim
PS Hey me and Ben went bowling btw hehehe good news :)

A Lesson in Laundry

::Kim walks out with Kenshin music playing in background (which one I’m not sure but it’s the one that kinda starts off with hallelujah! Yeah) With a laundry basket in one hand and a clothes pin holder in the other reaches the line and begins to hand a shirt. Ben walks out with his Gameboy::

Ben: What are you doing?
Kim: Hanging my clothes to dry.
Ben: Why?
Kim: Because it’ll make the house warm if I turn on the dryer.
Ben: Oh

::Ben walks off. Kim continues hanging clothes. The annoying game music announces Ben’s Return::

Ben:Why are all your clothes such dark colors?
Kim: Because I don’t like Pastels…
Ben: Why?
Kim: I just don’t.
Ben: Why do you only have pants and shirts outside where’s your underwear?
Kim::Twitchie eye:: : Because there are lechers in this neighborhood and I would never see my underwear again.
Ben:Oh…

::Ben walks off. Kim continues hanging clothes. Ben Returns::

Ben: So how are you gonna dry your underwear?
Kim: Inside the dryer.
Ben: But I thought you said—
Kim: Look do you want me to put your little Pokemon and Batman underwear out here for all your little friends to see?
Ben:NO!!
Kim: Well then apply that thinking to me.

::Ben thinks::

Ben: You don’t want them to see your Batman and Pokemon underwear?
Kim: Yeah Ben that’s it exactly
Ben: Okay I understand

:: Ben goes off to play Kirby. Kim shakes head. Finishes hanging clothes and walks inside::



For Peter kinda stolen and redone for his site

Mood:Good
Song of choice: "Not Alone" by Home Grown
Topic:Good Day!

:: Kim comes out in Yuna's original outfit:

Hehe what? I like the sleeves and wand.

Hey everybody how's Father's Day going? Hope everyone spends it well. Hehe I am in the absense of a father so thus I basically spent the day playing Video games...wow right? Anyway I found some poems through a friend and I thought you guys might find them interesting. They're E-cards but rather then SWAMP your inbox I just kinda uploaded them to make everyone's life easier.

::twirs staff and Summons Inu Yasha::





::then Tasuki::



::then Nakago (hehe I'm a Fushigi Yuugi Summoner!)::



::lastly Chichiri (NO DA) ::


Hmm anyway...Oh Lisette Much Thanks Onto thee! I got what I needed to get! So close to the end am I!! Hmm I thought I had something to say that was of importance but it must have slipped my mind I feel stupid now....man oh well...best not to dwell on my absentmindedness. Boomspeed is being evil...::does Plum screensaver Dance::

OH YEAH now I remember! It was really important too! ::clears throat and yells::

ATTENTION EVERYBODY
Okay my anime loving people! Birthday's and Christmas are coming soon and you know it's kind of a crunch because all of out birthdays are kinda crunched together! SO the idea is this! Every one try to make a comprehensive list of any DVD, MAnga, Wallscroll, Plushie or other such goodie that you ALREADY own! Thus posting it perhaps on a seperate page on your website and thus keep people from having to ask and or ruin a perfectly good surpries. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT ALWAYS HAPPENES WITH ANIME!!! Everyone kills the surprise so that way we don't wind up with double gifts you know?

So I think I have to do mine first because my birthday is in August (Nori you don't count I have your gift...it's kinda simple but I think you'll enjoy it. And Nancy...you'll get yours when we get back to school because I'm having technical difficulties) then there's Peter Lum and Cat then Lisettes X-MAS and then Geimer then Jun and then Jonnell and then I think there's like a 3 month dry spell. ::sigh::

But in conclusion...I want to have some sort of idea of what to get you guys you know? Like some of you guys I already know but it's just where will the money come from. So yes I plan to do mine and have it up soon so no one will tell me because well you know half the fun is the surprise. You guys know what I like don't spend a bunch I hate it when people do that I'm content with a printed out picture of Setsuna to put on my wall ^-^

But let me go I have things I have to do. So then
Bye,
Kim

Mood:Good
Song of choice: "Queen of Pain" by Alkaline Trio
Topic:Why the hell do I like this song?

Queen of Pain
There's a fire forming not too far from here.
Out on the east coast maybe it resides in you my dear.
We're worn out on all courtesy
We've made our curtain calls.
Like vampire bats deprived of blood
into the new york city night we crawl.
And you've got a funny way
of showing off your bathroom surgery.
You said you were just cooling down
from plans of leaving me.
There's something I should tell you
for we may not have much time..
I've never met arms like yours.
And the stars at night are big and bright
deep in your eyes miss vincent.
You told me once I made you smile
we both know damn well I didn't.
I'm not much of a jester
but I'd test poison food for you your majesty.
You're royal blue.
I'm loyalty, my king of pain there's a hard rain falling,
flooding your attic it's clear.
I can't put out the fire which resides in you my dear.
There's something I should tell you
for we may not have much time.
I've never seen scars like yours.


Why do I like this song I mean it's obvious what the dude is talking about...some chick he's in love with who has tried to kill herself serveral a times and he's focusing on the scars on her arms. Hmm I really couldn't say but I really do like it. Perhaps it's morbid fasination. Hmm...you ever have that feeling like no one can reach you? Like people speak and you kinda...just nod at their exsistance but don't really how do I say it....listen I suppose? I feel that way right now...hmm it's odd.

Now! On to the Wisdom that is Games (always such a good thinker! Ladies intellegent and good looking!! come on you know you want him! hehe I'll find you a lady friend yet Games!)

Lol 144 huh well i probably shouldn't intrude into your e-mail and fill the
whole thing up huh:). Well i think the lost bit does suite you very well,
you know its kind of funny they way it is when people wish the ones they
care for never go through certain pains and yet it is the that pain that in
most cases (assuming you accept and learn from it) that forges your into a
the person you are today. In the beginning We are like everyone else
basically sleep, eat and shit but as we grow older and things go our way we
simply continue on our path without really questioning it but through pain
we revaulate and alter our courses in life By the time we reach the apex out
teenage years we're no longer the same as everyone else no longer one minute
block of coal to burn in our stupidity now we are diamonds strong clear and
with our own unique pristine glow. Quite frankly Kim would not be Kim or at
the very least not complete(lol who wants an incomplete i only tolerate 100%
Kim and nothing else).


The boy speaks truth about pain. I kinda came to that conclusion oh about last week as you all know when I was with Jonnell. I mean how do I put it...there's a certain amount of thankfulness in the bowels of hell I've traversed. To tell the truth if I had it all to do again knowing what I know now I would still do it. I mean...how do I say this. I really do hate sound like a masochist...but in reality I think I am so I just kinda need to get over it.

You guys remember the fury that was my Michael entry oh yeah you all know what I speak of. Well after that Lum talked sense not forgiveness that everyone has feelings and public humiliation is not deserved. Lum is my shoulder angel. So I apologized for my childish actions and slowly I'm learning to deal with it all. He and I talk lightly mostly what did you do today how is your family and so forth and so on. But...it's like I took a weight off of me. I mean you know hating anyone is an effort it really is, I mean you could just let it go. So that's basically what I did. I just kinda went fuck it. Past is past right? The story keeps changing depending on who the hell you ask so I just kinda choose to go whatever. What good is it to Keep hating a person I never see? Right so there is a certain amout of peace it's weird.

It's good though...he was the only friend I really had in middle school so it's good to have that back. Mind you we were both imature back then so we spent more than half the time making fun of each other or trying to trip one another or get the other in trouble(this was mostly me heh waht I was 12) So yeah...we still pick on one another but...it's good to have my friend back. Someone that remembers little Kim when she never talked to anyone ever and was quiet and wouldn't dare stand up to anyone...back when she was like everyone else. It's weird kinda like looking at the past at something I completely forgotten exsisted.

Lol so weird to remember me like that. I kinda forgot I was ever like that you know? I kinda assumed that I was always the way I was which is foolish obviously but I never put thought into it you know. Hmm it's so freakin weird but cool at the same time. Nearly on the same level of like seeing all your friends when they were kids...it's just unfathomable....wow hmmm I'm kinda proud of myself though for talking to him once more. I'm a very OLD 16 year old...but the thing is so are all of you.

All of you are old you know...or perhaps just serious. Thoughtful if nothing else. Lost souls...definately...i can't think of a way to collectively describe what went wrong or what went right along the way...but good or bad...I'm glad it happened because it made you guys you ya know?

OKAY that's enough of me I'm gonna go and help my mom in the garden and see if the lilies are blooming again.

Bye Guys!
Kim

Mood:Good
Song of choice: Koda Kumi!
Topic Hotmail...again

I hate Hotmail...on so many levels...I mean could they not just offer 4 MB like Yahoo? My inbox is about to POP and I'm trying to clean it out as I type this and it is so not working...Man...Peter, junior and Geimer each have a nice folder for all the e-mail I get from the but Ones got to go...and I think it's gonna be Games because DUDE YOU HAVE 144 messages in the damned thing! that's 700 KB Come on...I could try to send them to another account but I would have to send each one one by one....Geimer...it's 144 messages...::pout:: Shit I liked you'er e-mails...well let me go through them once more and try to kill at least half....Why God Why didn't I clean sooner?...Oh god...

June 12th 2003
IT IS DONE!! clean hehe!

The Lost Soul


What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

A little quiz from the neglected Quizilla...my legs sting....i waxed the fuzz of...and now they're all tingly and what not! 'Tis unpleaseant!!!!!

So does the Lost Soul Suit me my friends?

Mood:Good
Song of choice: “Push it” by Garbage( Shirley!)
Topic Ramble Ramble Ramble

Lisette had something important come up in Jacksonville so she’s going to handle that so no movie today, but that’s all right. I mean I know it had to be something big for her to go. I hope no one’s hurt or anything.

Well anyway with this newly presented time to think…my mom started to tell me about the latest news from her side of the family. I always get kinda depressed when she does that. You see I have 5 aunts on her side and 2 uncles and let me tell you some stories and you’ll see why. My eldest Aunt has an unfaithful husband whose family encourages him to leave her. My eldest uncle’s wife snapped recently and is now in an asylum and his eldest son is an alcoholic and tried to kill his wife by hanging her…by the way he’s like 20. Another one of my Aunts also has an unfaithful husband and she’s been married twice and has 3 daughters. Next my other uncle’s divorced and has had 3 bad girlfriends and his only son is completely stupid. Another one of my aunts has never been married and she’s almost 50. Then another one of my aunts has 3 kids but never takes care of them. And then the other aunts been married like 3 times.

I mean I have this thing where…you’re past kinda dictates your present. I already have a healthy phobia of having a relationship since I messed up one. I mean its kinda fear of abandonment but also something more. I mean I really don’t want to get married and then have this idiot sleeping around because I have no patience for that kinda shit. You know once was enough thank you. Then I was talking to my mom and she was criticizing my cousin for living with a man without being married. I was like hell yes that’s my plan. I mean look I can’t even fathom the thought of having a boyfriend people. Like I’m super close to Dan and people assume that were together but nope nope we’re not. I’m sure it could work if we tried really hard but—I have phobias as does he so we run the show this way. I mean that’s me 30 years old living with a guy for the last like 10 years and still not married! I mean no no couldn’t deal with being married and then being left oh hell no. I mean my thinking is as such that if I’m not labely attached to someone then it’s not so bad you know. Like (I’m using Dan because he’s the only male friend I have over here so he’s just the easiest thing.) if Dan went off and turned into a man slut and got stupid it would bother me sure but hey I’m not his girlfriend so he doesn’t have to answer or explain himself to me. That applies to all my male friends I’m not their mom I’m not their girlfriend and thus they don’t have to explain any of their actions to me. But also Just like if I decided to turn into a slut or something they can be mad but I don’t have to answer to them because they’re not my boyfriend you know. It’s like a self defense thing I guess but if your married, or together as a boyfriend/girlfriend deal(which is like the easy bake oven of relationships—marriage being the real stove) then oh hell yes you owe me a freakin’ explanation you know?

And people you really don’t want to see Kim pissed and jealous no no no. I lived like all of 9th grade and a good part of 10th that way and it was not pretty people. I mean I’m dangerous when I get that way. To myself and others. I mean those were dark dark dark days I mean I was RECKLESS I didn’t care about anything. My grades got shot to hell and I was angry all the time and I really don’t want to be that way ever again. I was a wounded animal and I was just looking to kill anybody didn’t matter for what. In all seriousness it’s just not something I wanna go through again. I mean since OBVIOUSLY women in my family have bad luck with men and no no not me. Not me oh no! Maybe we just have bad taste in men like the wounded fucked up type…or maybe we’re all masochists….or maybe all strong males are jerks..hmmm….

Hahah you guys feel the paranoia? Oh yeah and then I have this thing where if a guy gets too close to me emotionally I reject them. I sabotage myself. Seriously and it is sad to see. Like if you don’t mean to much to me I’ll let you down easy but Like if I really liked you—you’re in trouble. I will demolish you. Destroy you to save you. It’s sad really it is and I’ve only found two other people wired that way. Josh and Dan. I mean that’s why me and Dan are so close it’s really odd because one of our little jokes when we talk to one another and are having a serious conversation is I could kill you just as easily as you could kill me. That’s basically that concept of wow I really trust this person that’s not good. But the thing is this our usual tactic won’t work because we’ll both react the same way so we’re both screwed you know?

And I’m that way with all of my friends too. Like I don’t think I would ever do this to Peter but if one day I thought he and I were too close(which…closer I can’t imagine unless we were the same person) then I would destroy him. And I’d hate myself but if I got spooked I would do it. I can’t explain why I do it to you guys. But I know I do it.

You see what you did Lisette! You gave me all this time to think and look. I’m actually writing this all in a good mood oh God that can’t be good right. Oh well I mean I’m not sad or anything I’m just kinda looking at myself and seeing where the wires got crossed.

Hmm…well yes this was your dose of Kim’s malfunctions. Jonnell is making me a birthday present ^-^ I have no clue what of though she gave me this clue though



It’s her version of me. Neato in a very Jonnell way. Jonnell is lots of fun. I remember when I first met her and she asked me what I wanted for my birthday I told her a book of her poems. LoL maybe that’s what she’s making! Anyway yeah that one poem I put up a long time ago (Antieuphoria) was a collaboration piece between me and her that we did during graduation test. We did it like in chunks and then we rearranged our chunks to make it make sense it turned out good to us since we’ve never worked with other people before. I like talking to her…she’s like 2 maybe 3 years older than me but I can sit and talk to her until the moon crashes…I don’t think we’ve ever had an argument…yupe lol I tell her stuff at random…it’s weird like stuff that people forever harass me about like why I wear two crosses and why I act the way I do and my speech pattern things people won’t shut up about Jonnell never asks but she gets the reasons straight outta no where. It’s weird….

By the way I’m writing this in word because blogger is mad at me so I started this morning and I just kinda add to it whenever I come by here so yes…that’s why it’s so long.

::Kim rolls over cuddeling Jun plushie. Setsuna flies over and looks at her and then flies back down to Heero (these bishies were given to me by the bishi queen and I thank her ^-^ I also have Kenshin and Sano)::

Setsuna:She’s still sleeping.
Heero: No she needs to get up. People are here to see her.

::Heero promptly pulls out gun and shoots a few rounds. Kim wakes up and falls out of her hammock. Thankfully Setsuna catches her and puts her on the ground. Kim freshly waken up with bed head a droopy eyes glares at Heero::

Kim: What the hell couldn’t wait til I got up?
Heero: Go down to the soap kitchen and see what you’ve started.

::kim walks to the soup kitchen and sees all her friends sitting there chanting cheesecake cheesecake cheesecake! Peter and Junior run to Kim and almost kill her with their hugs. Heero appears ::

Heero: They’ve been here for the last hour….

::Kim sighs and gets up on the table::

Kim: Okay then Everybody listen up! Jonnell you got your cheesecake so shooo! ::jonnell leaves still eating her cheesecake:: Lisette you get yours tomorrow so shoo! ::lisette leaves with her boy that has no name:: As for the rest of you! It’s to early for cheesecake!
::Kim slips half a cheesecake to Jun and Peter and tells them to run and share with Lum and Cat::
I mean come on 8 AM ::gives another half a cheesecake to Games and tells him to take some to Q and Ive Nancy spots Kim::
Nancy Hey!
Kim: The rest of you people! All of you know Danny go get some from him
::Kim runs back to her hammock and plushie::

::chibi Kim comes out wearing a little red Iron chief Sakai outfit::

Good Morning everyone! I'm pretending to be the French Iron cheif today! I'm making Cherry Cheesecake with a friend! hehe Last time didn't go so well I tried to make cherry sugar cookies( I love cherries) and they turned out really really bad. But this time I will bake goodness!

I like to pretend even at this old age. I know you guys must be like grow up but what for? Hehe besides once I get done making it I can take some to my friends that live here. But don't worry CHS people you too will recieve a treat! The folk of the 912 get some cheesecake but you guys get something too in your boxes! Which are almost done. Well...the Kangaroo from Australlia isn't here yet but yes soon!

::dances like Plum from Chobits:: hehe I can't wait to start baking it'll be soo good!! Well I better go get dressed and pick up my assistant.

Oh Lisettesiah. Thank you for inviting me to the movies with you! I'm sorry I got off the phone in such a rush I had an impatient person on the other line. But hey if you're not feeling up to it just let me know okay :) you know I understand. Feel better okay!

bye
Kim

Mood:Good
Song of Choice: This one song on an Ayu CD that I can't find the name of!!
Topic: New Layout!

Hey! Peter made me a new layout! So pretty! Well of course this is Ayumi Hamasaki and this is a theme taken from one of her newest album called Ballads. I wanted it mainly because of the Rainbow music video were you have Twin Ayu's chasing one another and then taking care of one and other and then the more...passive of the Ayus disappears.

HIGHLY SYMBOLC!!! I took it as Ayu trying to find her true self and it always being just out of reach and also that she has to be strong and take care of herself. And that when one Ayu disappears it is the moment when the Ayu she wants to be and the Ayu she is have become one! One of the more meaningful videos but M is STILL my favorite. I love M!

Well I gtg and do things soon so I'll see you guys later
Bye
Kim

Mood:Hyper
Song of Choice: the entirety of Papa Roach's Infest CD on Vol level 22
Topic: Family Values

::Kim laughs histerically:: OMG I give up lol no way!! Okay people you all follow my entries pretty good those of you that have been here reading for the full year plus I got some news for you man and for those of you that haven't lol get ready!

Oh man okay you guys obviously see that I have issues with my origins I actually want to know about my family because I genuinely want to know about my family but those of you that have been reading for a while know that I can't stand my fathers side of the family. They're all a bunch of fucking drama queens except for my Grandfather God keep his soul. I mean check this out my great grandfather's last name was Santos but one day his father and he had a falling out so he switched it to his mom's maiden name which is Hernandez. Then so fast foreward to now!

Not even 10 minutes ago my only true cousin(Lily you older readers know her by my earlier rambelings) called me on her way to work that my father's mother(whose name is Carmen but goes by the name of Hilda) is in my grandmother's (mom's mom her name is Cei) house throwing a fit that she has a horrible son, and grandchildren and so forth and so on. Talking about how she hasn't heard from us in years. Excuse me? my mom has written her like 4 times in the last like 4 months...sent her a christmas present, and mother's day present and well hell if we know if it got there or not because they don't evcen call to say thanks or check on us...umm hello?

And then my cousin is all looking out for me (lol Lily is kinda like Lisette visually and the way she is...I think that's one reason I get along with Lisette so well) and talking about how no one in my Abuela Cei house is taking her seriously( like everyone is laughing at her because lol wait til I get to that). And she's like my son hasn't written(the man is at war) and he never calls(um...the man is at war) and how he never visits (hello!! We went and saw you like 3 years ago and the last 2 years he's been either in KOREA or at WAR) She is such a freakin selfish old hag! God! I mean come on! I mean she doesn't get it that there is more than just her in this world? That other people have things they need to deal with? OMG!!! Ahh she makes me so mad I hate her so much.

Oh and now on to why my family giggles and snickers at her preformance! Every letter my mom writes to them and they write to her she photo copies twice one for her and one she sends to her sister for evidence! Because she's talking about we don't write her HELLO we document! She does this all the time! Every time we move! So this time we're covering our butts. OMG like the entirety of the island is listening to her BS! Then my aunt told it how it really is and now people are wising up!

How does she do this to her own family. Now let me explain why my mom does this because you may think her somewhat underhanded. The first time my dad was sent to the middle east(1991) she pulled this and my dad was all not even listeing to my mom. And stuff so when we moved the next time she would call my dad to complain about his brother and they would be on the phone til all hours arguing and wanting my Dad to solve their problems. and then my dad would get short with us and let me tell you it wasn't pretty. they've been doin that since I was a baby(Hilda calling my Dad to solve stuff and argue then not even listen to his advice or opinon) So thus this time around my mom is ready to counter act her little pitty me game.

She is such a horrible woman I hate her this probably makes no sense because I'm angry and can't explain well it's kinda sparatic as it all occurs to me. Man I hate her! She's so selfish! man...Arg! She was a horrible woman! She use to beat my dad something fierce my dad use to be as skinny as Peter and he had to always wear long sleeve clothes because of the scars because she would beat him with anything. I hate her so much!!!

Man I don't even have the head for this! I haven't been sleeping well and now this what the fuck!

::sigh:: I'm gonna go...do something...and yeah I need to thank Lily later...I love her so much.
Bye
Kim

Mood:Thinking
Song of Choice: "Broken" by 12 Stone
Topic: Where's the point?

You know I wrote this long blog entry yesterday and then blogger ate it...I was so mad but that was yesterday this is today I guess I need to kinda write about a few different things.

Thanks to all of you for your father comfort. Everyone had something really valid to say. But I'm still kinda angry about it all to tell the truth. I mean how do I say it. haha um my dad lied to me recently about something that was kinda important to me and I about blew a gasket. I mean...really it isn't fair.

I mean like some of you have aunts and cousins and all sorts of family pretty near by and my mom has always tried to teach me that family comes before anything but I truly don't believe that. You see...my father's side of the family has never once helped us they've always been an insane burden...and my mother's side can help when they want something...but I have no strong sense of love for any of them and they sure as hell don't like me too much. My cousins hate me because I'm so young but so serious or that's what they say. But i just can't loosen up around people I don't really know. And my aunts are forever critisizing my way. They say I act like a man that I should be more femine that I should help in the kitchen instead of watching the men play dominoes outside...but I am the way I am for a reason...I'll explain that in a minute.

You see...my mom has always told me that family will be the one to help me when I need it...but I swear that I'd rather stick it out for myself then ask them for help. My mom yelled at me once because she was talking about my cousin and I wasn't listening because I didn't care and I told her that before she even started the story. Then she said that one day I'm going to need that cousin and I'm gonna feel guilty about the way I acted. I wanted to tell her that no if I'm ever in trouble I would go to Peter. I feel safer with Peter than almost all of my family. Peter was the older brother that I always wanted but didn't have kinda like a stand in Papa lol. But I have no problem going to Peter and being like...dude I'm living in a cardboard box can I at least get some Ramen? Peter is family to me Peter is worth more than blood because Peter has been there for me when I needed him most. Junior and Geimer as well but most of all Peter. I just kinda want to know about me but if it involves my dad lying i don't want to know I want to live in the dark and forge my exsistance for myself thank you.

Anyway but I found out on Sunday why things have happened to me and why I am the way I am. Jonnell was upset and me and Lisette were with some friends(Dan and Ramon) and when I explain to Dan what was happening he told me to go to her (with or without his understanding I was going but I was glad he understood). Anyway when we got there Jonnell answered the door and she had this look on her face and I just threw the screen door open and held her and she started to cry. To this day I still believe that holding someone when they cry is the 2nd hardest thing in the world...Holding strong to 1st is the death of my grandfather. Anyway I found out why I have small breasts and why I'm tall. I'm tall so I can serve as kind of a stand in boyfriend I guess(I'm a gay man traped in a womans body...Peter you got gypted) When I held Jonnell she came right to my chest and then there's the reason I have a small chest. it would be hard to hold her tight if I had large breasts I think. Plus it would kinda kill the boy illusion. It's weird that I didn't get it until now.

Then I think I figured out why I've had some rough times. You see sitting on Jonnell's bedroom floor trying to cheer her up I realized that I would be of no use if I hadn't been were she has been. Like if my life had been flawless I wouldn't be able to help anyone. Like if I wasn't somewhat damaged goods then I wouldn't be worth anything you know? Hmm it wasn't thankfulness for bad times...just a little understanding and acceptance.

So if I'm more of an aid broken then hell no one try and fix me okay! I want to keep helping people as much as I can. So yeah...I think I understand myself a little better.

Bye
Kim

Mood:Frustrated
Song of Choice: “Some where I belong.” By Linkin Park
Topic: Like your father…

Man I kinda miss my dad…it’s weird there’s no really good reason as to why I should miss him he’s never really been around in a positive way. I don’t have many good memories of him I remember getting in trouble and yelled at and stuff when I was younger and well I basically haven’t really seen him since I was about 14 you know. Well that’s not 100% true I saw him for about 5 weeks but even then I went to school and he was at work so he was there but he wasn’t really there you know. I remember very few things my dad ever taught me I only truly remember like 3 things and the only reason that is is because I use it.

#1 When you’re doing something wrong don’t act like it. Um…this was kinda in regard to a movie we were watching. It was a car movie and this guy was trying to steal a really nice car but he was looking around being paranoid. My dad said if you’re gonna do it do it and quit wasting time thinking about whether you’re gonna get caught or not. I’ve used that one in regard to being late to class or walking in the hall without a pass it works.

#2 When you have no idea what you’re doing act like you do and people think you do. Haha this too also works I can’t think of too many times that I’ve used it though I’m pretty up front when I’m clueless.

#3 The knowledge is power crap. I always thought it was crap until I got placed around stupid people then I was like holy crap. Anyway beyond that not much.

I think the reason I kinda want to talk to him now is because well here’s the deal. I’ll be talking to my mom and well I’ll say something or do something and she’ll just laugh at me and say I get whatever that was from my dad. And that drives me nuts. I don’t know who the hell my dad is really I know he just kinda comes and goes not of his own free will but still he does it you know and well besides that what else? I know he’s not me but I kinda wish I had some clue where half the things I do came from.

Like how do I put it…like has he ever been where I’ve been? Can he offer some kinda don’t do this because this is what will probably happen you know? Or how to deal with some of the emotions that I have that I write off as being “wired wrong”.

I mean come on…I mean geeze…that frustrates the hell out of me when my mom says oh you get that from your dad. Get what?! How?! What are you talking about?! Those are those moments when Kim ends up on the roof or the next day up at 6 just sitting outside on the stools looking at the trees or the birds and squirrels. I mean man…I hate that I know he can’t tell me who I am but it makes me so angry for someone to say that I’m like someone that I’ve barely had a whole conversation with! What the hell? Give me something mom tell me a story explain to me how give me some thing to work off of an idea something! I’ve spent like the entirety of my little teen years going how am I like my dad what are you talking about please explain and she can’t!

Lol you know what’s the sad part about all of this lol That For some wacko reason everyone that’s gonna read this is gonna understand haha every single one of you…How sad is that? I wish one of you could say that you didn’t know where I was coming from that way I could feel a little better you know…but no you all know what I’m talking about in some light some of you more than others but you’ll all understand in one way or another…I wish you guys didn’t though. ::sigh:: Man this all is such a blir…some one help me out…well hmm I do know somethings about my dad…I think. I get my I wanna take care of everyone thing from him in a way. He’s like everyones dad…except mine lol I’m not mad just kinda nodding at it you know. I get the whole serious mean/joking thing from him…I think. I no doubt get my temper from him. I think my kindness is his too I’m not really sure. I think that’s it. To tell the truth I don’t know…I wish I did.

But one thing I know that’s mine is my words yupe this all this the way I say things the way I feel the way I love that’s all me I figured out all that on my own ZERO guidance lol so if I mess up I can take the blame in stride. Hehe oh and my cuteness that’s mine too this I know! Lol cuteness is an individual thing that’s why hehe.

::sigh:: I wish a certain someone was here…oh well. Anyway…hmm I got to get ready…Lisette will be over soon. Me and her are going to go out with a few more people—who I’m not sure lol the players keep changing lol.

Bye,
Kim